Waking up

"Sheltered from this winter's storm"  February 2011
So I’m not sure when it started.  Was it the moment the nurse  handed me my freshly cleaned newborn and said, “Diapers are in the bottom drawer, just let us know if you need anything?"  Or was it when my former husband told me, “I think we should separate.  I’m 99% sure that I want a divorce”…  At some point in the past few years, and it doesn’t really matter when or how or why, I woke up and my life began again.

 During that time I’ve read a plethora of self-help books, participated in intuitive healing, worked with a therapist, and thrown a variety of adult-tantrums along the way, that I can assure you.  But here I am.  Fully participating -to the best of my ability- on this thing called living.

 Brene Brown’s  book “The Gifts of Imperfection”  is my current tool in this whole “Liza wants to grow, live life with more joy and peace and doesn’t quite know how the hell to get with that program”.  She writes about authenticity, about letting go of perfectionism and aiming for connection.  She encourages letting go of comparisons and challenges this whole idea of “fitting in”. 

She writes, “Joy is as thorny and sharp as any of the emotions.  To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees- these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain”. 

So here I am, stepping out into that vulnerability, allowing the discomfort of the unknown to surround me and swallow me whole.  Trusting that life will continue to guide me as its challenges poke, prod and shape the person that I am.

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Last week I attended a diversity training for my workplace.  We talked about feeling priveleged and feeling like an outsider.  The common theme that shined through was how relative it all is, how we all know what it's like to feel both ways.  And for some reason, that gave me more courage to be more vulnerable.  It reminded me that no matter what I do or say or feel, I am not alone in it.  We've all been there, in varying degrees.

"The light of winter's end", March 2011

I was stagnant, those long months of winter.  Stuck.  Unmoving.  Unchanging.  Slowly withering, both physically and in spirit.

Then someone told me, "This life is not just for other people.  You belong here, too." 

I belong here, too.

So simple, so needed, so perfect. 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Katie]

I was so excited to see that you had posted again, Liza. And, as usual, I was moved and impressed by your ability to pair photos and words and leave me with so much to think about. Your new understanding that you belong here, too reminds me of my favorite quote, part of which I use as my signature for my email. It goes like this: "Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul." I think my favorite line is the second sentence. It's just so comforting to me to think that I'm on par with stars!

[liza]

Thank you, Katie. "Be gentle with yourself...", Another simple statement that if lived by fully can make such a powerful impact!