Dear love,

"Bang and it's over", Canon EOS 20D, March 2009

I miss you.  There was a time when you looked at me and all I saw was love in those ocean-grey eyes of yours.  I know long ago I broke your heart.  I wish I had had the chance to help mend it.

We have hurt each other, and we are both deeply wounded.

But before I let us go entirely, you need to know that my love for you is timeless.  I will always hope for your happiness.  True happiness, my dear  friend.  The kind where there is peace in your heart.

"If you love someone, let them go..."

I have learned recently that there is no ownership in this these thing called a human relationship.  Hallmark-created love is superficial.  "Be mine"?  Be yourself.

Find yourself, my former lover.

Seek hard, look deep.

I hope you find what I have always seen.  What I continue to see despite the veils that are unraveling.

You, too, are light.  I miss its presence in my life.

I don't know how to let us go.  In a bizarre way, you are helping me do just that.

There will be a day when I will no longer long for you back in my life.  It makes me so sad to be on that road of detachment from you. 

So before I stop looking back, please know, I only want joy for you.  That is the love I hope to carry with me as the rest begins to fade.  That is the love that knows no history or future.

My heart cheers for you.  Carry onward, my sweet husband. 

I hope you find what you are looking for.  Sincerely, I wish you a safe & healthy journey.

You will be missed.

love,

Your wife (of former years)

 

---

I regret publishing my previous post.  While my feelings were valid and true, I think I need a different venue for angry words such as those.  So I'd thought I'd share the other side of my emotions because they are written from the heart and not from a need for the world to know just how much he is hurting me.  I can be more respectful; regardless of how angry/hurt I feel at times.

Comments

[Heather]

I like seeing the flipside. What pops into my head after reading this is, "Yes! Carry on! Carry on, Liza!" :-D

[Suzanne]

Your previous post was a breath of fresh air, Liza, because it was so raw and true. I read it over and over in a cathartic sort of a way. You were speaking your truth by means of your justice. If your little sister can offer a humble opinion, I don't think you have to apologize for being angry. You're seeking peace and unity, but neither of those are possible except through justice, and that is exactly what you were voicing in that last post.

[Nathan]

I don't think Liza apologized for being angry at all, in fact she said just the opposite, "...my feelings were valid and true...." Not apologizing shows some of the strength she's had to develop. It's also a significant sign of strength that she still perceives boundaries for her own actions and corrects what she senses are missteps that would compromise her integrity even in the face of such dishonor. These elements have to be part of the foundation for justice. It's so heartening she's continuing to voice it in other places, if not explicitly here.

When I read the "I am defeated" in the last post, instantly my thought was, "Thank God, now she can rise." Rise, Liza, rise! Seek swift justice.

[KTH]

I found this one more devastating than the last.

I can't wait to see you. It's heartbreaking to be so far away.